Quer pasticciaccio brutto de King Arthur

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A.K.A. Togliete il lettore DVD a Guy Ritchie.

Se volete la ricetta per il più assurdo guazzabuglio sulle vicende del Once and Future King, non andate oltre. Ce la mostra King Arthur – Il potere della spada.

750 gr. di Harry Potter (meglio se La Camera dei Segreti, soprattutto per via dei serpenti)

350 gr. Sherlock Holmes (tanto Watson ce l’abbiamo, e già che ci siamo, mettiamoci pure  un cucchiaino de The Young Pope)

300 gr. de Il Signore degli Anelli (Mordor State of Mind)

250 gr. de Il Trono di Spade (Da Ditocorto a Grassoqualcosa, mai un nome normale Aiden, oh! E davvero continuate a fidarvi di Roose Bolton? Shame! Shame! Shame!)

220 gr. Star Wars (e andiamo, chi non l’ha pensato, soprattutto sul finale)

170 gr. de Le Cronache di Narnia (Aslan, mancavate te e il Signor Tumnus)

110 gr. Mix in polvere di Troy e 300 (perché sì)

50 gr. di Marvel (Ultron e Vortigern BFFs)

Una spolverata di Vikings (Ragnar e Artù dovrebbero farsi una birra insieme ogni tanto)

Aggiungere riferimenti vari a piacimento.

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Un cast di primo livello – Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Eric Bana, Katie McGrath (che a quanto pare, e con nostra somma gioia, non riesce a stare lontana da Camelot), Astrid Bergès-Frisbey, Aidan Gillen (e persino una comparsata di David Beckham!) – purtroppo non basta per far riuscire col buco una ciambella film che, già dalle prime scene, confonde più che sorprende lo spettatore.

Tra un serpente di troppo e una spada al neon che induce trip mentali, gli espedienti atti a rendere il film originale e differente dalle altre trasposizioni, lo portano invece a risultati più vicini al trash e al ridicolo.

Lo stile di Rtchie, che tanto aveva funzionato nel portare sul grande schermo le avventure di Sherlock Holmes, mal si adatta alla più recente rivisitazione delle gesta di Re Artù, fornendo un tono dissonante alla pellicola.

Se si possono apprezzare alcuni elementi – lo sviluppo caratteriale del personaggio di Artù, alcuni scambi di battute à la “Mike? Quale Mike” (non tutte però, il troppo stroppia, specialmente per questa tipologia di film), la colonna sonora altamente suggestiva e più che azzeccata – lo stesso non si può dire del montaggio e della fotografia: quello che vuole sembrare una presa artistica della sequenza narrativa, spesso ottiene un effetto di spaesamento che porta a una perdita di fluidità nel susseguirsi delle scene.

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Anche Charlie a petto nudo non si disprezza comunque, eh.

Stesso discorso per la sceneggiatura, che sembra risentire della fatigue imposta – direttamente e indirettamente – sia dalla spiccata inventiva mostrata da prodotti appartenenti allo stesso genere che hanno letteralmente inondato cinema e tv negli ultimi anni, sia dalla pressione imposta dall’incarico di catturare nuovamente su pellicola un personaggio così amato.

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Difficile, insomma, ritenere un buon prodotto un’opera che sembra – volontariamente o meno – più un taglia e cuci di successi di botteghino precedenti a essa che altro, e che poco aggiunge sul fronte tecnico e dei contenuti.

Quando è più Harry Potter Re Artù di Harry Potter, sorge spontaneo chiedersi che fine abbia fatto Dobby e perché Silente stia complottando contro il nipote (alla fine, non ci voleva molto per vedere Jude Law nel Potterverse, bastava attendere il sequel di Animali Fantastici).

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Se il vostro obbiettivo è quello di passare una serata in maniera spensierata e farvi due risate con gli amici, allora è il film giusto per voi; ma se sono epicità, personalità e solidità narrativa che cercate, magari in sala 2 danno ancora I Guardiani della Galassia.

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Laura

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Tales of an unfortunate journey a.k.a. When bad luck never leaves you (or as I like to say #StarkLuck always and forever) a.k.a. How our dream of meeting the Marvel cast ALMOST came true, but now it probably never will

Tales of an unfortunate journey a.k.a. When bad luck never leaves you (or as I like to say #StarkLuck always and forever) a.k.a. How our dream of meeting the Marvel cast ALMOST came true, but now it probably never will

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Bear with me guys, it’s a funny/sad story, but it’s a long one, so brace yourselves.

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I’ve always been told not to start a speech with “So”, but since I have literally no strength in me to fight alongside the gods of grammar and proper writing this morning, I’ll do it anyway.
So, exactly one week from now, my friend and I will be heading to London for 7 days of fun, relax aaaand to attend the Captain America: Civil War premiere… Or so we thought.

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See, the two of us are huge Marvel fans (we love entertainment in general, but have a penchant for Cinecomics, Disney and Marvel) and we’ve been planning to attend one of their events for YEARS. And by years I mean that we’ve spent the last few years saving money and trying to figure out where and when we should go in order for that to happen. Trying being the keyword.
See, we live in Italy, our towns are pretty small (mine’s a little bigger, but that does little to the cause) and not extremely well connected to the bigger cities; on top of that, we’re not exactly Tony Stark when it comes to paychecks and financial resources (meaning we have no job and little money to spend in “epic journeys”).

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I graduated from University last year (with honors, if it helps understanding the situation) and so far I’ve only been able to find part-time jobs like baby-sitting or translating a couple of texts for some agencies.

Finding a job here is not a piece of cake (mmmh cake… Great, now I’m hungry) so we have to manage with what we have.

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Anyway, a few months ago, after finally coming to terms with the fact that there would be no Italian premiere (last year for Avengers: AoU we waited, and waited, and waited… and waited for one, but it never came) we took matters into our own hands – as much as possible, at least – and decided to go big, or go home: we would try our luck with the London premiere (ooooooh!).

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We started planning everything, making calculations, checking every day flights and hotels’ prices, trying to find the cheapest, though safest way to do this.

January came, and we had to book then if we still wanted to find low prices and availability. So we did.

Civil War debuted in theaters between the 29th and the 4th of May – safe last minute changes- so we had to cover that span of time, plus at least a couple of days before if we wanted to go to the red carpet.

With May 1st in the middle of the week, we still payed as much as we did a couple of years ago when we booked in June for July, but at least we knew we had secured or spot there.

Too bad we couldn’t leave Italy on the 25th of April, because there were no flights that day, at least not with the company we were flying with (the cheapest one) so we had to book our flight for the 26th (in the evening, cause of course they cut the morning flights – and not only those, the company is planning to leave our airport for good, something that was announced after we booked our tickets, obviously – and did I mentioned I also had to pay double the price for our return flight cause the site wasn’t working?).
You’re starting to see our problem?

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The thing is, I’ve always had bad luck: every time I go somewhere outside my hometown, you can be certain that something will happen to me, and usually, that something is nothing positive. And every time I try to plan some activity, taking into account every little thing that could go wrong, you may rest assured that things WILL go wrong, and all I’ve done to counteract that, will be vain.
Now, I’m not saying I’m bad luck for the others… Just for me. My own, personal little raining cloud, always following, never leaving me.

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And apparently, my friend is not that lucky either.
So of course, after months of speculations (checking every inch of every site that could have had info on the matter) we found out that the premiere would be on the 27th or 28th (If we look back to previous ones, they were usually a couple of days before the release date, even taking into account other European dates) and we started to get excited, because for once, we would finally be able to make it.

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We still had a lot to plan, because 1) If everything went well, we would land in London at midnight, not exactly the best time of the day (well, night) 2) Both me and my friend were going to be on our period for the entire length of our vacation (duh, why thinking we could escape that for once) which meant cramps, cramps, cramps and not only that 3) We didn’t know our bearings, and if we wanted to get a decent spot on the red carpet, we had to go there first thing in the morning 4) We had to consider that it probably would have rained the whole time, and cold weather awaited us – in the last few days in Italy we’ve had a sudden rise in temperatures, so it wasn’t going to be a simple transaction, especially for our suitcases – 5) We still didn’t know how the whole thing worked, and how to go to the toilet while being stuck in the crowd (major problem, major.)

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We were in the middle of trying to figure out all that when, a couple of weeks ago, it was officially announced the date of the premiere: April 26th.

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You can imagine our reactions.

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I’ m not going to cry my heart out here, cause I don’t think you guys deserve this punishment, but I’m telling you this: my Facebook profile image is Sad Affleck since the day we found out. So just imagine me instead of him in the Sound of Silence video thing…

*Bye, Chris Evans, I’ll never be able to meet you. I thought that day would come eventually, but clearly, it is not this day… Or next Tuesday… Or any other day, apparently.*

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So, not only we’re arriving in London when the fun has already ended, but I also have a sore throat now (obviously, this had to happen… Again, cause of course just last month the same happened before a concert, and a couple of months ago on my birthday) and who knows what else in store for us.

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So far, we know that every single event we were interested in, it ends or starts before or after our stay (like countless exhibitions, Romeo and Juliet with Richard Madden, or any tv series convention taking place there).
I know we shouldn’t complain so much, since we’re still getting a week in one of the best cities in the world, but you can see how all of this can be immensely frustrating.

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One thing for sure: I am never, eeeeever planning anything else that ahead of time. Not even my wedding.

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#StarkLuck

How I got Out Of My Reading Slump

Ave, people!

How are you? (Yes, I’m really asking that)

Today, I’m gonna use the title of this this post as an excuse to talk about the last book I read  I‘m gonna tell you how I got out of a month-long reading slump. (Though tis’ true, I really couldn’t read anything lately… Just wasn’t in the mood, I guess).

So, let’s get to it, shall we?

Princess of the Midnight Ball by Jessica day George

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https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3697927-princess-of-the-midnight-ball?from_search=true&search_version=service

As you can tell, this book is about a princess. 12 of them, actually.

Yep, it’s a retelling of The Twelve Dancing Princesses by Brothers Grimm, and a good one too.

I’ve seen mixed reviews about it (as usual, there never is unanimous consent for anything these days, and rightly so, I might add) so I guess mine will fit in the positive-ones category.

See, as I’ve  already told you multiple times in this post, I wasn’t in the mood for anything lately, not just books: since I came back from Giffoni, I have tried many things, but none of them would catch my interest for more than a day.

I’ve marathoned the first season of White Collar (again), rewatched Kingsman, Magic in the Moonlight, Shutter Island (again), started like 7 books and left them there, rewatched Mulan (which usually isn’t my first choice when it comes to my Disney Movies Rewatch, though I enjoy it just fine), went to the cinema to finally see Ant-Man (I should totally write a review, but yep, I’m that lazy), went out with my friends a lot more than I usually do, and many, many other things…

At last, I was so demotivated (I’m having a rough time trying to figure out what to do next, now that I have my college degree) that I started (re)watching Barbie movies.

And guys, I swear, that did the trick.

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I’m not a snub when it comes to cartoons and such; infact, I love them. My bedroom bookshelves hold more than 500 mangas, I have original DVDs with episodes from Naruto, Mermaid Melody etc. and don’t get me started with Disney – see above – and Marvel (and DC, but mostly Marvel).

So it wasn’t a surprise that the “answer” came from that category. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t watch just anything, I am kinda picky in my own way; I just think that, if the story and the characters are good, you can work with that.

With Barbie movies you have to be a bit flexible, their target is indeed children (especially little girls) from what, 3 to 13? But that doesn’t mean they can’t be watched by anyone, or that the product can’t have any kind of potential for a good movie.

So, i started marathoning them, and watched like 15 movies in 3 days (still managing to go out and getting some decent sleep hours) and THAT got me in the mood for reading again.

The thing is, I love fairy tales and legends, and I love retellings. I must have read/seen hundreds of them.

So, I got on the internet and searched for books about the same source material as the Barbie movies I just saw, I found a goodreads list, picked one, and started reading it (hence Princess of the Midnight Ball).

And I liked it.

A light read, with not so bad characterization (for those who strongly disagree, just try yourself and give 12 princesses a different personality in a span of a few hundred pages to make them recognizable enough) and a convincing spin on the classic tale (!spoiler! – sort of – the princesses do not go dancing on their own will).

There are 3 books in this series (because it is a series): the first one revolves around all of them (as the title says), but Rose, the eldest sister, gets to be in the front line. The second one, Princess of Glass, is a Cinderella retelling with Poppy, one of the 12 sisters, as the main protagonist. The third one combines Robin Hood and Red Riding Hood’s stories, with Petunia, the youngest of the lot, taking the spotlight.

So far I’ve only read the first one, but I’m planning on reading the other two very soon.

Meanwhile, here’s my fancast for Galen and Rose

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Marshall Williams as Galen

Evan Rachel Wood as Rose

So, that’s how I got out of my most recent reading slump.

What about you? How do you deal with this kind of situations? And what kind of books do you recommend in these cases?

Let me know 😉

Bye Bye, Apple Pies!

Emma Stone as Captain Marvel (fancast)

Because, Emma Stone.

  

Yesterday I posted this on my other social media accounts, so it was only fair I’d post it here too.

And these are my reasons for this fancast:

Why not?

Now that Spidey (and Gwen) are back to Marvel, Emma could totally join the MCU playing Carol Danvers. 

Emma is an extremely talented performer, other than strikingly beautiful, incredibly smart and really kind (she’s my favorite actress, as you may have noticed). She has to be included in the current Marvel Universe somehow (again, though I loved her as Gwen, it doesn’t technically count as a MCU character). 

She’d be the most badass female superhero ever.

I don’t know what they have in store for this character, maybe they’re looking for a slightly older actress to play it, like Charlize Theron or Bryce Dallas Howard… I’ve also heard Emily Blunt and Natalie Dormer being associated with the role. 

Anyway, though I think any of them could be a good fit (except maybe Emily), I still think Emma would kill it. 

What about you? Who do you think should be the next Captain Marvel? 😉

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Sorry, this post has the sole purpose of showing how magnificent the Marvel cast is. Especially Chris Evans. Chris Evans is BAE. 

   
 

OUAT 3×14 – The Tower – more like Every horror movie you’ve seen

Sorry if I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m busy with University.

There won’t be regular updates, but there will be updates. I promise.

So, let’s take advantage of the fact that I have a bad cold and I couldn’t go to class, and write a longer review of one of the few tv series I had time to watch.

This week’s ep of Nightmare Once Upon A Time opens up with Charming in the middle of a dream, one of those it-seemed-odd-then-good-then-everything-went-wrong dreams, to be exact.

Anyway, he soon wakes up, and here comes Snow, with a belly as big as an air ballon: “We’re pregnant”

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Shocker.

Charming: “You are? And I thought you got this fat just eating tons of berries… I know you missed Granny’s Lasagna.”

No, ok, I’m kidding.

But that would have been the logical answer.

However, the info we should treasure for later is that David is scared about having another child and not being able to be a good father to him, just like it happened with Emma.

We’ll, if we had to bet on your luck, Dave, we would probably agree with you.

But it doesn’t matter, because we love you.

Back in Storybrooke, the gang is on the Wicked Witch’s trail, who happens to share Snow’s passion for berries… Seriously, she left Berries all over Regina’s place.

I soooo wanted Regina to find that out (She was with Henry).

She would have gone all Bree Van de Kamp on her!

Even Hook seems to have noticed the comparison.

David: “You guys see anything?”

Hook: “Other than an austere sense of design, nothing”

Meanwhile, Zelena shares some life lessons with an apparently very-needy-of-a-shave Rumple, and gets some blood from him.

Long story short, she goes Eva Kent -but a lot less nice- and steals something from Rumple’s shop; something she’ll later put in David’s cup of tea.

Yeah, because Snow invited her for introductions, and of course, Tea.

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I’m seriously convinced Mary Margaret is Snow’s naïve side.

Girl, you’re like the Queen of Bad Luck, would you please be sure to check your new exploitable friends’s background?

And no, being told by her that she was friends with Joanna doesn’t count.

At least someone seems to have some brains here: David shares the same concerns, and basically tells Snow not to trust anyone she meets.

Then he drinks The Wicked Witch homemade special tea.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Robin tells a half-drunk Charming the legend of the Night Route, a mission that’ll allow him to overcome any fear.

On the way to the mission, which of course he happily sets out to do, David hears someone screaming for help: he climbs the tower in front of him, and finds none other than an insecure Rapunzel.

She tells him her story.

The dark force keeping her in the tower – who turns out to be herself, for her deepest fear is not being able to be a good ruler – attacks them.

I don’t know how, while hanging to her hair, Charming manages to give pep-talks to Rapunzel, and she understands she has to fight her demons.

All ends well, and he brings her back to the Enchanted Forest.

The same happens in Storybrooke: David fights himself and overcomes his own fears, not without leaving behind a little gift for Greenie (the Wicked Witch steals his sword, in which it appears to be symbolically transferred a bit of his courage).

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Regina, David, Hook and Emma find out Rumple is still alive, and that he was kept prisoner by The Wicked Witch (whose hideout has been discovered).

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Random comments

The night route

You know, I get this whole “overcome your fears” thing, and I get the fact that Zzzzzelena needed all these “totems” from our favorite fairy tale characters… But was it necessary to make it look like a cheap horror movie? I mean, the only thing missing was the mask from Scream.

We even had Samara Morgan all dressed-up and coiffed

BTW, that hair was just the quintessence of creepiness.
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Robin ❤

I rrrrreally appreciate Robin being like parsley and showing up pretty much everywhere.

Me likey.

Now, if we could just put him and Regina in the same scene also in Storybrooke…

But maybe I'm asking for too much, too soon.

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What he’s thinking: “If i don’t come up with something right now, there won’t be any alcohol left for me…”

Memorable Quotes:

Hook: “There’s something wicked in your town. What do you say we go find it?”

—-

Rumple: “All the voices in my head will be quiet when I’m dead”

—-

Emma: “You look for any excuse to use that thing (the hook), do you?”

—-

Emma: “You’re glad to hear I had my heart broken?”

Hook: “If it can be broken, it means it still works.”

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Aaaaand… That’s all folks! 😉

OUAT 3×13: Witch Hunt

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Another great episode.

Maybe it’s early to say it, but this 3b season is really working.

The introduction of Oz and its full variety of characters certainly contributes to it – say 50% – but there’s more.

It might be because my favorite female character on the show (guess who?) is going to have the main focus in this major narrative arc, or because we finally get to see her in love – with a hoodied hottie, yeah! – but I’m positively thrilled about the upcoming episodes.

Of course, if you’re a fan of this series, you need no reminders of its quality.

Even though sometimes it might seem a bit predictable – especially if you have a good knowledge of fairy tales – it never ceases to amaze.

Yes, there are flaws. Yes, some of them are not that easy to overlook.

But at the end of the day, all that matters is that it still fuels your dreams, like any good story would do.

In this episode:

Present
Everyone’s back to Storybrooke, with no memories of the past year and angry at whoever cursed them for the second time.
Emma and Regina team up to find the culprit, meanwhile Zelena (The Wicked Witch) introduces her(fake)self to Mary Margaret.
Henry is still clueless.
People start to turn into flying monkeys.
The gang discovers the power of math: flying monkeys + green smoke = The Wicked Witch of the West.
We learn that Zelena has brought back Rumplestiltskin.

Past
Regina – and Belle. Because she’s read basically about everything your mind could think of – figures out who’s taken their castle: The Wicked Witch.
Flying monkeys attack the group; Regina saves Roland, who happens to be in the way.
She then decides to use tunnels to enter the castle from the underneath and take it back, but she doesn’t go alone: Robin follows her, much to every OUAT fan’s delight, but not hers.
Bonding between the two of them.
Once in her old room, Regina decides to literally go to sleep forever (sleeping curse) since, without Henry, she has nothing to live for.
Robin tries to stop her, but fails.
After she lifts the barrier preventing everyone from entering the castle, she tries to sting herself with a poisoned needle, but the Wicked Witch stops her.
Moment of truth: The Evil Queen and The Wicked Witch are half-sisters (Cora, you bad girl!) and they both were Rumple’s pupils.
Definitely not bonding.
Declaration of war between the two women.
Regina has now found a new purpose to her life.

Best Line of the Ep: “Bring it, Greenie!” – Regina (of course)

2nd place: Emma: “The Wicked Witch of the West? She’s real too?” Hook: “Says the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.”

So, now that we said what we had to, let me fangirl over my O(UA)TPs :3

Outlaw Queen

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Asdfghjjklqwertyuiipzxcvnm. You knew I was talking about them before 😉

Captain Swan

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Not much happened between them in this ep, but the previous one (and everything before) gave us plenty of material to gloat on.