Quer pasticciaccio brutto de King Arthur


A.K.A. Togliete il lettore DVD a Guy Ritchie.

Se volete la ricetta per il più assurdo guazzabuglio sulle vicende del Once and Future King, non andate oltre. Ce la mostra King Arthur – Il potere della spada.

750 gr. di Harry Potter (meglio se La Camera dei Segreti, soprattutto per via dei serpenti)

350 gr. Sherlock Holmes (tanto Watson ce l’abbiamo, e già che ci siamo, mettiamoci pure  un cucchiaino de The Young Pope)

300 gr. de Il Signore degli Anelli (Mordor State of Mind)

250 gr. de Il Trono di Spade (Da Ditocorto a Grassoqualcosa, mai un nome normale Aiden, oh! E davvero continuate a fidarvi di Roose Bolton? Shame! Shame! Shame!)

220 gr. Star Wars (e andiamo, chi non l’ha pensato, soprattutto sul finale)

170 gr. de Le Cronache di Narnia (Aslan, mancavate te e il Signor Tumnus)

110 gr. Mix in polvere di Troy e 300 (perché sì)

50 gr. di Marvel (Ultron e Vortigern BFFs)

Una spolverata di Vikings (Ragnar e Artù dovrebbero farsi una birra insieme ogni tanto)

Aggiungere riferimenti vari a piacimento.


Un cast di primo livello – Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Eric Bana, Katie McGrath (che a quanto pare, e con nostra somma gioia, non riesce a stare lontana da Camelot), Astrid Bergès-Frisbey, Aidan Gillen (e persino una comparsata di David Beckham!) – purtroppo non basta per far riuscire col buco una ciambella film che, già dalle prime scene, confonde più che sorprende lo spettatore.

Tra un serpente di troppo e una spada al neon che induce trip mentali, gli espedienti atti a rendere il film originale e differente dalle altre trasposizioni, lo portano invece a risultati più vicini al trash e al ridicolo.

Lo stile di Rtchie, che tanto aveva funzionato nel portare sul grande schermo le avventure di Sherlock Holmes, mal si adatta alla più recente rivisitazione delle gesta di Re Artù, fornendo un tono dissonante alla pellicola.

Se si possono apprezzare alcuni elementi – lo sviluppo caratteriale del personaggio di Artù, alcuni scambi di battute à la “Mike? Quale Mike” (non tutte però, il troppo stroppia, specialmente per questa tipologia di film), la colonna sonora altamente suggestiva e più che azzeccata – lo stesso non si può dire del montaggio e della fotografia: quello che vuole sembrare una presa artistica della sequenza narrativa, spesso ottiene un effetto di spaesamento che porta a una perdita di fluidità nel susseguirsi delle scene.


Anche Charlie a petto nudo non si disprezza comunque, eh.

Stesso discorso per la sceneggiatura, che sembra risentire della fatigue imposta – direttamente e indirettamente – sia dalla spiccata inventiva mostrata da prodotti appartenenti allo stesso genere che hanno letteralmente inondato cinema e tv negli ultimi anni, sia dalla pressione imposta dall’incarico di catturare nuovamente su pellicola un personaggio così amato.



Difficile, insomma, ritenere un buon prodotto un’opera che sembra – volontariamente o meno – più un taglia e cuci di successi di botteghino precedenti a essa che altro, e che poco aggiunge sul fronte tecnico e dei contenuti.

Quando è più Harry Potter Re Artù di Harry Potter, sorge spontaneo chiedersi che fine abbia fatto Dobby e perché Silente stia complottando contro il nipote (alla fine, non ci voleva molto per vedere Jude Law nel Potterverse, bastava attendere il sequel di Animali Fantastici).


Se il vostro obbiettivo è quello di passare una serata in maniera spensierata e farvi due risate con gli amici, allora è il film giusto per voi; ma se sono epicità, personalità e solidità narrativa che cercate, magari in sala 2 danno ancora I Guardiani della Galassia.



Review: Gilmore Girls Revival – A Year In The Life

Ok, ok, ok.

Let’s do this. (Mind you, I’m writing this only now because of reasons, so I might forget a few things. That’s why I’ll stick to the main topics.)


Pretty much everyone was waiting for this moment to arrive: the day we’d finally get the final episodes of Gilmore Girls and find some closure.

But, boy, were we set up for disappointment.

Seriously, I don’t even know where to start!

No, actually I do: Rory.

Girl, what have you done to yourself? Is this the same person we loved to have as a role model when we were teenagers?

I’ve had to disagree with her choices many times in the past (saying no to Logan’s proposal, temporarily leaving Yale, the entire S4 arc…) but this ia a whole new level of “taking bad decisions”.


I get it. Life is hard. REAL life is even harder: the economy sucks, people who don’t even deserve to serve ice cream – not that there’s anything wrong with it, just sayin’. Think of Paul Rudd in Ant-Man – are at the top of the most desirable professional fields, and plastic dolls get the best guys.

But really, Rory? Really?

Does that make it ok to act like a jerk, looking down to fine jobs and sleeping around a la Brooke Logan (yes, I’m talking about The Bold and the Beautiful, sue me)?

I know that’s not exactly where she pictured herself to be at in her 30s, but that’s how things are, and she should have taken note and fought back.

But no, let’s throw a pity party and be the other woman. Who cares, right?

For someone who had always pursued honesty and loyalty in her relationships (again, S4 not counting), she sure has gone way out of character.

And don’t let me start on the “Best pick” speech, cause it’s really pointless after the (in)famous last four words.

But let’s do it anyway

First of all, had she chosen Logan, there is no guarantee she wouldn’t have done it for the baby, at this point.

Even though I’m convinced that’s who she should have ended up with, because let’s face it, who was the guy she kept inadvertently calling in moments of distress? Who was the guy who lifted up her spirits when she most needed it? Who was the guy she chose when presented with other oppurtunities in the past? And I could go on for hours, but the point is: once something like a pregnancy happens, it’s easy to lose focus of the real reasons you should choose a guy over another, especially if one of them is the father (I’m just assuming that’s the case).


And yes, I love Jess, almost as much as Logan, and I wouldn’t have minded if she had picked him instead. Well, maybe a bit… But hey, at least IT WAS A CHOICE. At least she would have finally realized how lucky she had been to have these amazing boys in her life. Regardless of what you think of them or the team you’re on, you have to admit that this girl had it all at one point, and she let go of pretty much everything.


Yep, Rory’s an idiot.


BTW, I’ve seen more realistic portrayals of the journalism world in Smallville & Co., and they were flying out of the window one minute, and using X-Ray vision on the crime scenes the next one.


Now that we’ve said what’s on everyone’s mind, let’s change subject.


Was it just me, or she was just a tiny bit (extremely) annoying in this one?

I get the father-daughter complicated relationship and the consequences that Richard’s death would ensue; I get the Wild thing; I get that sometimes you need a change in perspective in order to realize that you’re quite happy the way you are… But was it really necessary to make it seem like she was going through some humongous crisis? Cause she’s been through a lot of things in the past, and reacted way better.

I don’t know, I would have loved to see more of the quirky Lorelai we were used to in the first seasons, especially since Rory’s development went already down the not-happy-life-in-shambles way.


The Finale.

That wasn’t closure. I don’t care if producers go on and on about open endings because life is that way and blah, blah, blah. You’re doing a revival, and you’re doing it because the last season of your show didn’t get the job done. So, do it now.

We were left with almost the same amount of questions (if not more) than last time, so where’s the difference?

Yeah, I don’t care if it seems shallow, all I wanted from this 4 episodes was closure, and all I got is an uncontrollable need for fanfictions.


Now, on to the things I liked (which are not many, and there’s not too much to say about, so I’ll just make a list):

  • The Life And Death Brigade. – Best part of the revival.
  • Logan, Jess and Dean. Because, duh.
  • Paris. – Her and Emily’s was the only character growth I’ve seen in these four episodes. Also, loved Berta and her family.
  • Kirk’s movie. And Petal. And Oober.
  • Some of the cameos (there were too many, but a few were very well thought. Others – the majority – not that much)
  • The Homecoming idea at Chilton, though I hated Rory’s reaction to the principal’s job offer.
  • The setting and the festivals. Loved ’em.
  • The thirty-something gang. That was eerily funny.


As far as the other storylines go, I could have enjoyed the musical, but they made it unbearably long. Seriously, that time could have been used to further develop someone’s story (Jess’, or Christopher’s… They were given terrible screen time, especially the latter).

The one where Luke’s sister accidentally joined a cult was nicely done, but April didn’t have such luck. Hers, like others, was a bit rushed.

All in all, I think the only episode that was actually necessary to the story  was the last one, while the others were more an attempt to cure our nostalgia than anything. There was basically no actual development in the time span that went from S7 last episode and the first one of the revival (aside from what we’ve already talked about), so  it could have been structured differently – though I loved the idea of the seasons.

It didn’t satisfy me, but it also got me in the mood for a long due rewatch of the series.

So at least that was achieved.

I’m not happy to say these things; like every fan of the show, I wanted to love the the revival so badly, I’ve probably deluded myself with too high expectations.

But I still think they could have done waaaaay better than this.




Fantastic Beasts Review

Yo, people!

Not dead, see?


Great accomplishment, I know.

So, now that we have established my being alive and all, let’s get to business.

Who’s seen Fantastic Beasts?

Raises hand


I did, and guess what: I loved it.

It’s odd, cause I thought I wouldn’t, and that I’d miss the Golden Trio and the original story so much that I wouldn’t enjoy this one.

You know, growing up with it, it’s not easy to let go of a world you’ve lived in for many years, and then go back after a while and find that everything has changed.

But I have to admit, it wasn’t bad at all.

With the recent disappointment of The Cursed Child, maybe we needed a breath of fresh air. Maybe we needed to go back, before going forward.

But let’s see what we have here: Newt, our “new Harry” (so to speak), is a total cinnamon roll.

I was afraid they’d cast Eddie more because of his recent success than him being fit for the role, but he is. Yep. And I’ve loved his characterization.


Jacob and Queenie were fun too, adding a lighter feeling to the story.

What I didn’t exactly love was Tina. I don’t know if it’s the actress or the role itself, but I didn’t find it impactful enough for a female counterpart, not the way Hermione/Emma was. Of course, I’m not saying she had to be like her, but I felt something was missing, something that a character like Hermione had instead.

Anyway, the overall atmosphere of the movie was great, the roaring twenties’ NY was as enchanting as London (#sorrynotsorry, you know I have unconditional love for the States) and Grindelwald’s reign of terror was eerie af.

I’m not gonna spoil anything here, don’t worry, but I am gonna say that I’ve very much appreciated Colin’s rendition of the Evil Guy, and I’m looking forward to seeing the follow-up of that last plot twist.

Ezra was also a solid choice, though I would have liked to see more of him. Well… Ok, no, that would be spoiler, so I’ll just shut up.


Moving on to the name characters of the movie, the much anticipated fantastic beasts: I. Want. A. Niffler. And a Thunderbird. And a Bowtruckle. Also, the Demiguise was cute. The others, I didn’t mind’em too much; but those in particular, I. Want. Them.


So yeah, I liked the movie, and I’m really excited about the sequels.

Though to be honest, I feel like Ilvermorny could give so much as source material for a separate movie. I mean, the stories about its origins on Pottermore were great, why not give it a go?


But that, my friends, is a topic for another day.




OUAT 3×16: It’s not (that) easy being green

Like Kermit used to say, It’s not (that) easy being green, and Zelena knows it.

Hello everybody!

Welcome to our weekly rendez-vous with OUAT.

Luckily for me, this time we have a lot less tragic episode, which means I can be as snarky as I want.

First of all, allow me to introduce to you The Emerald City!

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Yes dearies, we finally have the chance to see the world of Oz!

And not only that: by the end of the show, we’ll even meet the Wizard himself! (Please, be prepared to be disappointed by this one)

So, let’s get this started, for there’s a lot to say!


In the Land of Oz, a couple finds an abandoned baby on the yellow brick road.
The woman decides to adopt her on the spot, but the man seems reluctant: he sees the child using some sort of magic, and he doesn’t want anything to do with it.
It doesn’t matter though, because the woman has made up her mind, and starts walking towards the Emerald City with the baby.
They decide to call her Zelena.


A few years later, the woman is now dead, and the man lives alone with the young, clueless witch.
In a moment of anger, he tells her that he’s not her real father, and the two have a row.
Zelena sets off to see the only person capable to tell her more about her true origins: The Wizard of Oz.

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Once she gets there, she finds out her real mother abandoned her for she would never be able to give her what she had always wanted: the ability to become royalty.
She also learns that she has a sister, Regina, who not only happens to be a Queen, but she’s also training to become a sorceress.
However, Regina doesn’t seem to be as powerful as her sibling.
So, Zelena asks for a way to get to that world, and the Wizard provides her with a pair of silver slippers: these shoes… Well, you know what they do.


In return, he only asks her to bring him something belonging to someone we know very well.
Guess who?


(If you said Rumple, then you guessed right. If you didn’t, it doesn’t matter, since I’ve just told you that anyway =P )

And off to the Enchanted Forest she goes.
There she meets Rumplestiltskin, and reveals herself to him.
After he makes sure she’s telling the truth by pulling a hair from her head and creating this sort of fairy tale version of a DNA test, he decides to train her.


He wants to cast a curse, but the only one who can do that is Cora’s daughter, for he has foreseen it.
Of course, now that there’s two of them, the prediction gets tricky: who’s gonna be the one? Regina or Zelena?
So Rumple decides to put Zelena to the test, one that she fails because of her ever growing envy (which BTW starts to physically show in a very unpleasant way).


He explains to her what we already knew, that is to say, casting the curse has a price: you have to sacrifice the thing you love the most.
To Zelena, that’d be Rumple, so obviously he can’t let that happen.
He chooses Regina, making Zelena furious.
When she tells him she could have taken him wherever he wanted thanks to her slippers – even to the land without magic he was so desperately trying to reach – Rumple tries to fix things, but she gets away.
Before she leaves, she makes him a promise: he’ll see her again, and…


Once back to Oz, she asks the Wizard to take her back in time to change the past, but he tells her it’s impossible.
She gets angry, and she draws down the curtain.
The Wizard’s true identity is revealed: drum roll Walsh.


Yeah, I know. Let me finish the recap and I’ll share my feelings about this with you.

So, he’s just a charlatan, a showman from Kansas, who happens to “peddle the truth”.
Because he may not have magic, but the things he collects do.
(Great, a panhandler!)
Anyway, since he’s useless to Zelena, “at least like this”, she turns him into a very obedient flying monkey.
In the last scene, she expresses all her envy and hate towards her sister, and turns completely green.



Meanwhile, in Maine, everyone is grieving Neal’s death: the whole city attends his funeral, and then goes to Granny for the wake.

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Hook and Emma talk about getting Henry to find out more about his father.
Hook offers to help, taking him out for a boat trip, while Emma gets the award for the most unfortunate answer ever:

Hook: “Perhaps I can talk to him.”
Emma: “About what, leather conditioner and eyeliner?”



That wasn’t nice, girl.

Hook: “I knew Bae as a boy. Perhaps Henry would like to hear what his father was like when he was his age.”


Now, feel free to sink in the depths of the Earth, savior!

At the diner counter, Tink and Regina talk about Robin ( ❤ ❤ ❤ ).
Regina introduces them to each other and, after a quick exchange with Robin, she goes back to talking with Tink, who basically tells her not to screw everything up, this time.

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The doors open, and Zelena comes in, with the Dark One’s dagger in her hand.
She does the classic big bad talk, threatens everyone, and then goes straight to Regina.
She tells her the truth about them being siblings, and then challenges her:

Zelena: “Meet me on main street tonight. Say… Sundown?”
Regina: “And then what?”
Zelena: “Then I’ll destroy you.”

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Regina is not impressed

After Zelena leaves, everyone gets together to talk about what just happened.
Later, digging into her mother’s stuff, Regina finds a letter that proves to her that Zelena is indeed her sister.
She runs away into the woods, where she meets… Come on, who do you think it is?
Robin, of course!


Please, don’t.

Anyway, Outlaw Queen in action.
For the first time in forever – Anna from Frozen starts singing – she trusts someone enough to open up to him and, as we’ll find out later, to have him doing something of great importance.

While Hook is bonding with his future step-son (foreshadowing, here), Belle and the others try to break another bond, the one keeping Rumple under Zelena’s control.
Unfortunately, they fail: Zelena finds out about their plan, and they’re forced to run away, or she will use Rumple against them.

It’s showtime.
The Wicked vs. Evil match begins.


Regina seems to be losing to her more powerful sister, and everyone is afraid for her safety.
But… Plot twist!
Zelena doesn’t want to kill her: she wants her heart.
But luckily for us, Mommy Dearest did give some good advice to her daughter, after all…
“Never bring your heart to a witch fight.”

A furious Zelena literally flies away, and the gang is left there to wonder about her intentions.

Later, Regina goes back to the woods, where an armed Robin was left to guard her heart.
Finally, Regina realizes it’s time move on and start loving again.
She asks Robin to keep her heart for a little longer, much to his surprise.


Robin: “You’re really going to entrust something so valuable to a common thief like me?”

Truer words were never spoken.

The last Storybrooke scenes for this week include:
-Hook talking some sense into Emma;
-Zelena revealing her plan to Rumple


Zelena: “What I’m casting isn’t a curse. It’s a second chance.”

Random Comments

The Lovely Land Of Oz

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Emerald City looks glorious, and also like a mixture of Gotham City and Metropolis with an Arrowish touch.

Can’t wait to see the whole Dorothy story!

I’m very disappointed by the true identity of the Wizard.

Just for a moment, for a split-second, I thought/hoped it was going to be Jefferson (The Mad Hatter).

It was silly, I knew he wasn’t coming back, but I had the feeling it could be him.

But it wasn’t.

I have nothing against Christopher Gorham, but I hoped for a “bigger” character to play that role.

Anyway, we’ll see what happens next.

I loved the fact the slippers were silver, as they actually are in the book, instead of red.

I think it gives them more personality.

Zelena’s motives

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I’m torn about it.

On one side, I think it’s somewhat refreshing to see an evil, pardon, wicked, character act the way she does out of pure envy.

On the other, after all these complex villains we’ve had so far (Regina, Rumple, Cora, Peter Pan, Hook), she sure doesn’t look as deep of a character as they are.

Captain Swan

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The more we go on with the show, the less I can stand Emma.

I mean… How much of a b*tch can you be to that poor guy?

We all know you’re made for each other, and I agree that there has to be a slow build up before the romance reaches its apex.

But enough is enough.

At least try to be a little kinder to him, would you?

Outlaw Queen


In spoken Italian, when we’re talking about something that it’s so obviously good that there’s no need to make the concept any clearer, we say: “Ma che te lo dico a fare?!?”

That’s exactly the case.

“Ah regà, ma che ve lo dico a fa!”

These two.

The chemistry. The UST. The Love.

After the first episode back from the hiatus, it had already become one of my top OTPs.

Now it just keeps getting better and better.

Memorable quotes

Rumple (to Zelena) : “You might wanna get that thing checked out”

The Wizard: “When you click your heels together three times, those slippers will take you wherever you desire”

The Wizard: “It is one thing to wonder about your past, but another to become envious of things you cannot have”

Regina: “This isn’t the Wild West.”

Zelena: “No dear… It’s the Wicked West.”

David: “Are you sure Cora never said anything about her?”

Regina: “I think I would have remembered if my mother told me she had a love child with a scarecrow”

Tink: “You did managed to step on a lot of toes back in our land”

Regina: “Well, none of them were green”

Regina (to Granny): “Stick to the Lasagna, lady.”

Robin: “I think deep down you actually want to talk about what’s in that letter”
Regina: “What makes you think you know me so well?”
Robin: “Well, for one thing, I’d be charred to a crisp by now if you didn’t.”
Regina: “True.”

And that’s it.

For the Game of Thrones review, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until the week-end… These days, I really need to focus more on my exams.

Have a good week, everyone!


Quick info

Sorry guys, but I got home late today, and I’ve just finished to watch the episodes.

I promise you’ll find my Once and Game of Thrones’ reviews by the end of the week (got an exam on thursday, not sure if I manage to publish’em earlier than that).

Just… Forgive me, please!

OUAT 3×14 – The Tower – more like Every horror movie you’ve seen

Sorry if I haven’t posted in a while, but I’m busy with University.

There won’t be regular updates, but there will be updates. I promise.

So, let’s take advantage of the fact that I have a bad cold and I couldn’t go to class, and write a longer review of one of the few tv series I had time to watch.

This week’s ep of Nightmare Once Upon A Time opens up with Charming in the middle of a dream, one of those it-seemed-odd-then-good-then-everything-went-wrong dreams, to be exact.

Anyway, he soon wakes up, and here comes Snow, with a belly as big as an air ballon: “We’re pregnant”



Charming: “You are? And I thought you got this fat just eating tons of berries… I know you missed Granny’s Lasagna.”

No, ok, I’m kidding.

But that would have been the logical answer.

However, the info we should treasure for later is that David is scared about having another child and not being able to be a good father to him, just like it happened with Emma.

We’ll, if we had to bet on your luck, Dave, we would probably agree with you.

But it doesn’t matter, because we love you.

Back in Storybrooke, the gang is on the Wicked Witch’s trail, who happens to share Snow’s passion for berries… Seriously, she left Berries all over Regina’s place.

I soooo wanted Regina to find that out (She was with Henry).

She would have gone all Bree Van de Kamp on her!

Even Hook seems to have noticed the comparison.

David: “You guys see anything?”

Hook: “Other than an austere sense of design, nothing”

Meanwhile, Zelena shares some life lessons with an apparently very-needy-of-a-shave Rumple, and gets some blood from him.

Long story short, she goes Eva Kent -but a lot less nice- and steals something from Rumple’s shop; something she’ll later put in David’s cup of tea.

Yeah, because Snow invited her for introductions, and of course, Tea.


I’m seriously convinced Mary Margaret is Snow’s naïve side.

Girl, you’re like the Queen of Bad Luck, would you please be sure to check your new exploitable friends’s background?

And no, being told by her that she was friends with Joanna doesn’t count.

At least someone seems to have some brains here: David shares the same concerns, and basically tells Snow not to trust anyone she meets.

Then he drinks The Wicked Witch homemade special tea.

Back in the Enchanted Forest, Robin tells a half-drunk Charming the legend of the Night Route, a mission that’ll allow him to overcome any fear.

On the way to the mission, which of course he happily sets out to do, David hears someone screaming for help: he climbs the tower in front of him, and finds none other than an insecure Rapunzel.

She tells him her story.

The dark force keeping her in the tower – who turns out to be herself, for her deepest fear is not being able to be a good ruler – attacks them.

I don’t know how, while hanging to her hair, Charming manages to give pep-talks to Rapunzel, and she understands she has to fight her demons.

All ends well, and he brings her back to the Enchanted Forest.

The same happens in Storybrooke: David fights himself and overcomes his own fears, not without leaving behind a little gift for Greenie (the Wicked Witch steals his sword, in which it appears to be symbolically transferred a bit of his courage).


Regina, David, Hook and Emma find out Rumple is still alive, and that he was kept prisoner by The Wicked Witch (whose hideout has been discovered).


Random comments

The night route

You know, I get this whole “overcome your fears” thing, and I get the fact that Zzzzzelena needed all these “totems” from our favorite fairy tale characters… But was it necessary to make it look like a cheap horror movie? I mean, the only thing missing was the mask from Scream.

We even had Samara Morgan all dressed-up and coiffed

BTW, that hair was just the quintessence of creepiness.

Robin ❤

I rrrrreally appreciate Robin being like parsley and showing up pretty much everywhere.

Me likey.

Now, if we could just put him and Regina in the same scene also in Storybrooke…

But maybe I'm asking for too much, too soon.


What he’s thinking: “If i don’t come up with something right now, there won’t be any alcohol left for me…”

Memorable Quotes:

Hook: “There’s something wicked in your town. What do you say we go find it?”


Rumple: “All the voices in my head will be quiet when I’m dead”


Emma: “You look for any excuse to use that thing (the hook), do you?”


Emma: “You’re glad to hear I had my heart broken?”

Hook: “If it can be broken, it means it still works.”


Aaaaand… That’s all folks! 😉